Read an extract from The Mummy Lessons, the frank and hilarious new novel by award-winning blogger Helen Wallen.
1) Try to sleep when the baby sleeps. (SO NEVER. EVER. UNTIL YOU ARE AN EMPTY WINE-SOAKED HUSK AND FALL DOWN DEAD IN THE BABY AISLE AT TESCO)
2) Try to eat when the baby sleeps. (SEE POINT ABOVE)
3) Try to get basic household chores done when the baby sleeps. (ABOVE!!)
4) Batch cook food and freeze in individual portions for easy re-heating. (OR DELIVEROO . . . WITH WINE. AND CRYING)
5) Try hiring a cleaner to take the pressure off. (OR JUST USE BABY WIPES)
6) Take time to shower or bathe in the evenings when you can leave the baby with your partner. (OR JUST USE BABY WIPES)
7) Make tea or coffee in the Thermos so it stays hot. (WHAT IS THIS ‘HOT’ OF WHICH YOU SPEAK?!)
8) Don’t be afraid to ask for help, or ask people to leave. (COMMUNICATION VIA WHATSAPP ONLY)
9) Remember to look after and take time for yourself. (AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
After a tough pregnancy, Emily is determined to tackle motherhood like a pro. But she quickly learns that Insta-Perfect-Parenting (and sleep) is hard to come by, no matter how much money you spend in Mothercare.
Irritatingly, her friend Molly seems to be breezing it. But with a business venture as well as a baby, is she taking on too much?
Liz looks as though she might have it all worked out. But when a tragedy derails her new relationship, she has some serious decisions to make.
Celebrating female friendship, the highs and lows of motherhood, and the lifesaving power of a jumperoo, The Mummy Lessons follows a year of highs and lows for Emily, Molly and Liz as they learn the hardest lesson of all: life doesn’t always follow the rules . . .