Read a Father’s Day extract from ‘Forever Outnumbered’!

Father’s Day is nearly here – so if you’re still on the lookout for ways to make the day extra special, we’ve got you covered. Keep reading for an extract from Forever Outnumbered, and find out Simon Hooper’s top tips for what dads ACTUALLY want to receive for Father’s Day – from a father of four daughters!

‘When Father’s Day starts creeping up the calendar, Clemmie and the kids start scrambling to pull together ideas on what to get me, the man in their lives. I’m sure that finding something to give me is a difficult proposition. I can’t speak for all men but I know that I’m not that easy to buy presents for – I’m not deliberately awkward, I’m just not materialistic and I have most of the things I want or need already.

The things that I do want, I‘m very specific about – I’ll research them, read reviews, work out how much I need to save, etc. I’m a strong believer in buying the best quality you can afford and not settling for cheap knock-offs; as my mother says, ‘Buy cheap, buy twice.’ This all leads to frustration and last-minute present

So, let’s move on to what I actually like to receive – and probably most other dads too. These things are simple in nature and can be easily achieved with very little outlay – they just take a bit of thought:

Anything made by the kids – I know my wife hates this stuff and it quickly ends up (accidentally on purpose) in the bin, but for me, if my children have taken the time and effort to make me something then it means the world to me. It could be anything from a card to a picture, a cake or something else completely. These are the kinds of things that in the future I’ll look back on and smile about. The best one of these creations I received was a bird box that had been decorated by Marnie aged three. It was covered in the devil’s own dandruff , otherwise known as glitter – the herpes of the craft supplies world that you’re never able to get rid of, but it still sits in the box of memories next to my bedside table as it’s special.

Breakfast – most days of the week I’m in charge of the morning routine, making breakfast for the children while forcing my eyes to open properly, getting hair brushed, finding missing shoes, feeding babies, changing nappies, etc. I never get time for breakfast myself and by the time I drink my tea it’s lukewarm at best. What I really want is a breakfast (not in bed – I’ve never understood why people eat in bed, that just seems gross to me) where I do nothing. One where my kids tidy up afterwards and with tea that is hot. Perhaps even with the papers to read, but I don’t want to push my luck.

A day without arguments – this might be wishful thinking but it would be lovely to have a day when I’m not prying the children apart with my fingers or breaking up petty arguments about whose doll’s head is whose, or who flushed the lip gloss down the toilet. The phrase ‘that’s not fair’ would also be banned.

Time to do what I want – I know Father’s Day is a celebration of being a father, but perversely the reward should be not being a father for a day and doing what I want. An hour (or several) off from parenting to go in the shed and finish off a project, ride a bike, do some shopping or whatever else I might fancy, is important and of enormous value.

To watch something on TV that I actually want to see – with the advent of Netflix, the TV is now something that I occasionally see during the day, but can’t actually watch as it’s usually blaring out some god-awful American programme full of am-dram kids who wouldn’t know acting if it punched them in the gut. I would like two hours to myself to watch sport/documentaries without interruption from a child saying they’re bored or it’s ‘their turn’.

A four-pack of my favourite beer/cider – I’m not saying that I’ll be drinking all day, but for someone to present me with a beer that I like would be fantastic.

Though I can’t speak for all men, this should at least give you some ideas to think about. In the end we’re relatively simple creatures and as you get older, wiser and more creaky around the joints, you realise that the old proverb actually rings true – the best things in life really are free.’